Bib Pick-Up

Let me sum it up for you: absolute mayhem. Where did all these people come from? How can there be this many people in the world who think running a marathon is a good idea? How many freakin’ flavors of “energy gel” do you need to show me before you realize I think they are all disgusting?

My running buddy and I met up at the marathon exposition, which took up an entire floor of a giant conference center building in downtown Boston and was basically set up like a maze they didn’t want you to ever get out of. Well, that’s good business I suppose, but really, I started to get a little claustrophobic and nervous at the end of my visit. There were literally people bumping into each other everywhere I looked; a shirtless man, attached to all these machines, was in a bubble, running on a treadmill, in the middle of the show; someone was on a loudspeaker, yelling some running mumbo-jumbo I didn’t understand every three seconds; there were at least fifteen sneaker stores, eighteen energy bar stations, and twenty-eight energy drink stands set up in among the socks, sports bras, shorts, movies, posters, commemorative gear and other running paraphernalia people do not need to buy the weekend before the marathon. We couldn’t even tell where the exit was because each corner of the room was set up just as all the others, so we wandered around, probably seeing everything twice, maybe three times, and just made sure to get at least one of every free sample because we paid our race entry fee, dammit.

We made it out without any nervous breakdowns and without buying anything, which I think is pretty key considering a) I don’t have any money and b) everything in there cost about three times as much as it should. I figure the finisher’s medal will have the logo on it and that’s good enough for me—added motivation in case something happens and I don’t think I’m gonna make it. So, at least I got my bib, which is necessary, and the cool long-sleeve running shirt that came with it. I also got a tummy-ache from all the hippy junk I was eating just because it was there. Who eats organic, cruelty-free fruit roll ups anyway? I did. Yes I did.