Here We Go

Have you ever thrown up because you were so nervous? I haven’t, but I know some people who do it all the time and I almost joined their ranks this morning. My friend PE used to sprint through the snow in ski boots to go secretly hurl in the woods behind the starting shack before every ski race, and while I never have had that kind of butterflies in my stomach, I could not get that peanut butter and bananaed bagel down my gullet. I choked down as much as I could, feeling each bulge of [normally delicious] crunchy peanut chunk as it scraped down my shrinking esophagus, and trying not to think about how dry my throat was even though I was on my third Nalgene of the morning. I finally gave up on breakfast, giving a pretty big chunk of it to the mutt in the back of the car and hoping I didn’t look as pale and pathetic as I felt. Luckily for them, I don’t think dogs get nervous when food is involved, and luckily for me, I have a pretty good tan most of the time.

Anyway, this anxiety thing really sneaked up on me. I packed my marathon bag, laid out my clothes, set two alarm clocks, drank a ton of water, and relaxed the night before the race. I stretched a bunch of times, took some preventative anti-inflammatory drugs, and checked everything about six times. I didn’t wake up in a cold sweat, lie awake picturing myself tripping over another runner and breaking both our legs, or dream about other improbable and ridiculous events. But when I woke up, gee whiz was I nervous. There was nothing I could do about it though, because, as I said, I obsessively checked everything and made sure my day was planned and totally prepared for. I guess it never really hit me I would finally run the race; four and a half months of training is a long time to think about a lot of other stuff besides a marathon. Well, maybe I have some ADHD issues, but that’s not important. What is important is that I ate enough breakfast, caught the bus to the start, used the bathroom in time, and met my charity team right when and where I was supposed to. Did that make me less nervous? No. But making it to the starting line is probably half the battle for some people, don’t you think?